I first heard the song “When He Was on the Cross” by The Florida Boys at church while living in Jamaica. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was my mom or a friend of hers singing the song. Honestly, the song didn’t impact me when I first heard it. It wasn’t until later on in life, after living some stuff and doing some things, that I realized even though I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff, God knew I was gonna do those things and He still loves me.
Within my religion and my culture, there are certain things that are deemed wrong – things we shouldn’t do. But curiosity is real. And when we are curious, we end up doing things that maybe we wouldn’t have wanted to do if we weren’t as curious or were informed prior. We hear a lot of don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this… But no one really breaks down why you shouldn’t do those things.
There are a lot of things Black parents don’t speak to their kids about.
I find there are a lot of things Black parents don’t speak to their kids about. This includes Black parents within the church. For example, Black parents don’t talk about sex with their kids, they don’t talk about relationships – healthy relationships. This is a general statement, there are some Black parents who do, but the majority of Black parents don’t have that birds and the bees conversation. There are particular things that are just awkward, and it’s left for life to teach us.
So, there are certain things that I’ve done… Many things… But the song “When He Was on the Cross” reminds me that God understands that I’m sinful and may fall – that’s exactly why His arms are still open.
There are times when I feel unworthy like, “how God…? How can you still love me? How is it?” When your stuff is private, when you’re living with your own sin it can really weigh on you. In those times, I go to the bible for the “interesting” stories. Stories like Judah and Tamar, where Judah slept with his daughter-in-law, and David and Bathsheba. God was with those people even though they did their stuff.
When you’re living with your own sin it can really weigh on you
I didn’t know how I’d be impacted by this song. I sang it three years ago and actually broke down crying in the middle while the pianist was playing. Leading up to me singing the song, it was a song. I practiced it; I sang it in rehearsal. I was perfectly fine. But at that moment when I stood on the platform to sing, it hit me. I was like, “I get it, He knows me! I’ve gone through some stuff and I’m not worthy but I’m still loved. Even if I keep on doing stuff and if everyone else in the world may write me off, God still loves me”. Wow!
Let me break it down like this: it’s like you have a friend and you tell your friend your secret. And every time you tell your friend that secret you tell them “don’t tell anyone”. And what do they do? – they run and go tell somebody. But you being who you are, you say to yourself, “I really genuinely love this friendship and I don’t want to lose this person”. And then something else happens in your life and you go and tell that person “don’t tell anyone”. And that person goes and tells someone. Under normal circumstances, you’re gonna get upset that the person who you keep telling your secrets to keeps running their mouth. But that’s kinda like the relationship with God. He tells you, “this is what I expect”, and you’re like “okay cool”. And you listen to it and then you run and do your own thing and He’s like “I’ll still take you, my arms are open” and you go and do your own thing and you come back and He’s like “come give me a hug”. So, it’s like why? Like why do you keep having your arms open to me? We expect God to be, like “okay, I’m done… this is tiring… goodbye”. But the song reminds me that He is really still there. Yeah, you messed up but God’s still there. He knows you and He knew that whatever has happened in your life was gonna happen even before it happened—so you’re good. Even if your parents may think that you’re a mistake, God never thinks that you’re a mistake. You’re always planned! He expected the things that happened in your life to happen. You are loved!
He knows you and He knew that whatever has happened in your life was gonna happen even before it happened
I found the audio of me singing the song in my email last week and listened to it about three or four times. It’s a powerful song in my spiritual life. It reminds me that I am not alone. It is well-written with a great melody. And it really gets you if you repeat the end of the chorus or even the whole chorus. Anywhere in there… you will lose your mind. Cause that’s when I lost my mind. It’s just so powerful.
You know when people put sticky notes around their room, or around their house, their dresser, or whatever to reassure them? Whether it be something uplifting like – you are beautiful, you are loved… Whatever the case is… There’re certain things that when you repeat them, it’s an affirmation. You’re reaffirming these things. In this song when you repeat the chorus you’re reminding yourself that you are loved, you are valued… It’s so impactful!
I commend the writers of the song… Job well done!
Dee Dee
Toronto, Canada